Out With the Old, In With the New

Tasuki, Tamahome, Kenshin, and Japoro loiter around Tae's living room, their expressions various takes on "morose".

Tasuki (for the umpteenth time):  It just isn't right!

Kenshin: I never thought you would do something like this, Tae-dono.

It is a mark of their upset that neither Tamahome nor Tasuki correct him.

Tae:  They were running up my phone bill, and the phone police have been here three times already.  They had to go.

Tamahome:  We told you we would keep an eye on them for you!

Tae:  Yes, you did.  But it's hard to keep an eye on someone who has infinite incarnations.  Despite what I'm assuming were your best efforts (she arches an eyebrow skeptically), the only one who could really manage it was Kenshin... and the first time he went to the market, they crank-called somebody in AUSTRALIA!  Do you have any idea how much it costs to call someone in AUSTRALIA from here?!?!?

Tamahome -- Mr. O-ka-ne -- winces in reaction to the pain of the expenditure, and in memory of Tae wailing as her precious doujinshi funds went to pay the phone bill.

Tae:  Look, I know you liked having the Nyan-Nyan around to patch you up after your scuffles with Tamahome... but I couldn't afford them!  I'm pretty sure they won't have to hang around at the Bureau for very long.  Our new roommate, however --

Tasuki (interrupting):  NEW ROOMMATE?  What do you mean, new roommate?!

Tae (placing her hands on her hips in annoyance, looking at Tasuki with no small amount of surprise):  Of course we're going to have a new roommate!  I get five LIAC; did you think I'd send the Nyan-Nyan back without requesting someone else?

Tasuki (sulkily):  I still don't see what was wrong with just the three of us -- me, Tama, and Kenshin.  Send the ferret back and everything will be fi-i-i-i-i-i-iyaaaawch!  Let go you little weasel!  Let go!! I take it back! I take it back! ItakeitbackItakeitbackpleaseletgoofmyhand!!!

Japoro releases Tasuki's injured digits, grinning viciously as he drops back onto the arm of the sofa.  Ignoring them -- after all, these exchanges have become quite commonplace -- Kenshin looks attentively at Tae.

Kenshin:  You were saying something about a new roommate, Tae-dono?

Tae (holding a hand to her head in a beleaguered fashion):  Yes.  The Nyan-Nyan have probably already been snatched up by now, but my new LIAC and his manga-mates have been hanging around the Bureau for a very long time.  (Still cradling her head in the palm of one hand, she raises the other to forestall the question both Tamahome and Tasuki have opened their mouths to ask.)  NOTHING is wrong with them!  It's just that nobody has ever heard of E'S, so of course they haven't been requested yet.  Hopefully they won't have to wait much longer... Asuka's animals are constantly underfoot.  (Softly, thoughtfully:)  Lots of people request Sakura from CCS; maybe one of them will take Asuka instead.  I mean, they look exactly alike...

Japoro (clearing his throat to get Tae's attention):  Your new LIAC?

Tae (suddenly her normal, excited self):  Yes!  His name is Yuuki.  He should be here soon... you'll like him.  He's the epitome of kakkoi!

Noting the dream struck gaze she's wearing, Kenshin and Japoro exchange worried looks a few beats ahead of the slower-on-the-uptake Tamahome and Tasuki.

All four LIAC (as one):  I have a bad feeling about this.

Tae (waving her hand at their ominous expressions):  Don't be silly.  He's a police officer, if maybe just a tad trigger-happy.  And temperamental.  And quick to jump to conclusions.  And...

Kenshin (his expression unabashedly horrified):  You're going to let someone like that hang around Tasuki on a regular basis?!?!

Tasuki:  Oi!

Tae (puzzled):  Sure, why not?

Kenshin (tightly, through clenched teeth):  You said he's temperamental.

Japoro (similarly):  And trigger happy.

Kenshin:  And quick to jump to conclusions.

Tamahome:  He's another Tasuki!

Tasuki:  Oi!!!

Japoro, Kenshin, and Tamahome (ignoring Tasuki):  They'll kill each other, and us, and destroy the condo within a week!

Tae (a little less certain than before):  No they won't!  They'll get along great, I'm sure of it!  They have so... much in... (slowing as realization begins to take hold) common.

Japoro (acidly, glaring at Tasuki):  Yes, and they both carry projectile weapons.

Tasuki (sulking, not sure what the fuss is about):  Flame is not a projectile weapon.

Japoro:  It can hurt people from a distance.  It's a projectile weapon.

Tasuki (folding his arms and settling into a steady pout):  Taxes hurt from a distance, too, but nobody categorizes them as a projectile weapon.

Tamahome (muttering under his breath with absolute certainty):  That's because it's not until they get up-close and personal that you realize you've been screwed.

Kenshin and Japoro have closed in on Tae, who is wringing her hands anxiously and shifting nervously from foot to foot.

Tae (brightly):  Everything will be fine.

Kenshin (shaking his head):  Tae-dono, what were you thinking?  Japoro-dono and I can barely keep an eye on one...

Tae (desperately):  He's smarter and much more polite than Tasuki!

Tamahome (rather blasé as he slumps down on the sofa and turns on the TV):  Ten-to-one he tries to shoot Tasuki within five minutes of coming in the door.

Japoro:  No bets.  I'm not sure they'll even make it past the first thirty seconds.  (Sighing, his furry little shoulders drooping:)  Kenshin is right... what were you thinking, Tae-chan?

Tae mumbles a reply, shuffling her feet.  Tasuki is pretending not to listen to the others, and her voice is too quiet for Tamahome or Kenshin to hear... but Japoro's animal ears catch what she says just fine.

Japoro (with blatant disbelief):  He's cute?!?  You invited another Tasuki into the house because you think he's cute?!?

Tae (emboldened enough by Japoro's scornful tone to quit staring at her feet and glare at him instead):  So?  It was a good enough reason to request the rest of you.

Japoro is instantly at a loss for words, simultaneously flattered and insulted -- she should want them for more than their ink, shouldn't she?

Tasuki (conscious only of the compliment):  Tae-chan, you think I'm cute?

Tamahome rolls his eyes at that, but refrains from comment, continuing to flip through the channels.  Before Tae can answer, the doorbell rings.

Tae (forgetting the conversation of the past few minutes, becoming genki once more):  He's here!  He's here!!

Her LIAC watch in dread as she hurries to the door, opening it to reveal a tall, slender, well-dressed young man with hair the same shade as Tasuki's.

Japoro (covering his eyes with his paws and moaning):  Kami-sama, he even looks like Tasuki!

The newcomer's quick glance shifts to the obviously depressed animal, his eyebrow twitching in disbelief even as he introduces himself to his new registrant.

Yuuki:  Ano... I'm Tokugawa Yuuki, Sekihara Tae's new LIAC...?

Tae (throwing her arms around his neck):  Yuuki!!!  You're even cooler in person than in the manga!!

Hesitantly, Yuuki returns her embrace, sweat-dropping as he looks over her shoulder at the other LIAC.

Yuuki (weakly):  Hi.

Ten minutes later:

Tae (standing between Tasuki and Yuuki, the former's fan in one hand, the latter's gun in the other):  New rule:  Tasuki does not attempt to flame Yuuki, Yuuki does not attempt to shoot Tasuki.

Tamahome (sitting on the struggling Tasuki):  Hey!  Why didn't you ever make a rule about Tasuki flaming me?!

Tae (airily):  Flaming you is part of his character description.  I can't do anything about it.

Yuuki (leaning against the sofa as Kenshin releases him, his expression angry):  My character description says I shoot loud and obnoxious people.  Why can't I shoot him?

Tae:  Because he has to be a loud and obnoxious criminal.  You can't shoot him just for being loud and obnoxious -- which, by the way, is only your opinion.

Japoro (helpfully):  Isn't Tasuki a bandit?

Yuuki (cheering immediately):  There, you see.  He's a criminal.  Can I shoot him now?  (As Tae begins shaking her head):  Just a little?

Tae (surprised):  Shoot him a little?  How can you possibly shoot someone a little?!

Tasuki (more than a little worried that she seems to be considering allowing it):  What difference does it make?!  Shooting me is shooting me!!

Yuuki (ignoring Tasuki):  Please?

Japoro (jumping up to Yuuki's shoulder):  Yes, please?

Sighing, Tae runs a hand through her hair before leveling a stern finger at the bunch of them.

Tae:  Tasuki will not flame Yuuki -- not even a little.  Yuuki will not shoot Tasuki -- not even a little.  Japoro will not encourage Yuuki, Tamahome will not encourage Tasuki, and nobody had better encourage the Battousai to come out and make mayhem by disobeying me.  Got it?

Exhibiting nearly identical expressions, Yuuki and Tasuki settle into solid sulks.

All five LIAC:  Hai...

Tae (smiling again):  That's better!  I knew this would work out!

As she wanders off to work on one of her many webpages, the LIAC quietly murmur for the second time that day:

I have a bad feeling about this.