The Voice
Tae throws open the door of her condo to be greeted by one frantically happy
li'l grouchy dog (that's Nikki's official breed), and 5 nonplused LIAC.  In her hand she holds a small package.
Tae (patting Nikki on the head with her free hand): Hi, hi, hi! Yes, Nikki, I  love you too!  (to the LIAC, waving the package) Oi, minna! Look look look!  It came!  It came!  Yatta!!
The LIAC are not impressed.  Kenshin is still staring at a certain picture; Tasuki, Tamahome and the Nyan-Nyan are playing poker; and Japoro is curled up in the windowsill taking a nap.
Tae (with Nikki still dancing happily around her feet):  Fine, be that way!  When you grow up, everyone will hate you!
She proceeds to rip into the package, producing some paper, a packing slip, and her much anticipated Toshinori Yonekura CD.  Placing the CD in the player, she sits down on the floor in front of the stereo to listen.  Toshinori begins singing... and Tae collapses into a puddle at the sound of his voice.  This extreme reaction manages -- FINALLY -- to get the attention of her poker-playing LIAC.
Tasuki:  Oi!  Tae-chan, whatcha doin'?

Tae (still in puddle):  Listening to my new CD.  (Her tone implies that this should be obvious... what's wrong with him that he can't tell?)

Setting aside the oft-admired picture of Kaoru, Kenshin comes out of the guest bedroom to make dinner.  Ever quick on the uptake, he notices everyone staring in the general direction of the stereo, and casts his gaze that way as well.  He is somewhat surprised to see the Tae-puddle.
Kenshin:  Tae-dono?

Tae:  Shhhh!  Listening! I'm listening!

Kenshin looks at the other LIAC, who simply shrug and point at the new CD jewel case lying on the floor next to Tae.  Curious, Kenshin picks up the lyrics booklet and begins flipping through it.

His eyes bug out.

Kenshin:  Tae-dono! Do you know what he's singing about?!

Tae (uncaring, still in puddle):  No.  Well, I know what he's singing in track four... and I still don't care.

Tasuki and Tamahome come to read over Kenshin's shoulder, their eyes likewise bugging out in shock.  Particularly when they get to track four.
Kenshin:  T-t-t-- (he takes a deep breath) Tae-dono!!  This is very ecchi music!

Tasuki:  And look at the pictures of this guy.  Someone sure thinks he's pretty, don't they?

Tae:  Tasuki?  Do you or do you not listen to Britney Spears 'cause you think she's cute?

Tasuki turns red and shuts up.
Kenshin:  But, Tae-dono!  The lyrics are--

Tae:  Kenshin?  I really don't care what he's singing -- he could be singing "I'm a Little Teapot" --  as long as he sings it in THAT VOICE, he can keep singing forever.  'Kay?

Kenshin (sweatdrop): Never mind me, sessha wa small-inoffensive-and-not-worth-noticing de gozaru, I'll just go stare at... um... that is, I'll go back to art appreciation... except with that music in the background, it's... um... --Never mind...

[Insert several leering Japanese comments from Tasuki and Tamahome here.  Normally Tae would tell Kenshin to ignore them, they're just jealous... but she's a little distracted right now.]
Kenshin (chin down a little, looking at them): Yamete de gozaru.

Tamahome: What, touchy? Tae, I had no idea he was such a --

Kenshin (amber flames dancing in the violet of his eyes): Yamete.

Tasuki: Oi, turn-about's fair play! Maybe I should --

Tamahome (a little faster on the uptake than Tasuki): Fang-boy, you might want to stop now.

Tasuki: --Yeah, I should ask Miaka to pop over and visit Kaoru and tell her all about what you--

<kshing--!>

<THWAP>

Kenshin resheathes the sakabatou calmly, walking through a faint cloud of falling plaster to go back and look at the picture in peace. Or something resembling it anyway.

Tamahome (staring up at the outline of Tasuki imbedded in the far wall): Ano... Tasuki... I hate to say it, but I told you so...

Tasuki (muffled by mouthful of plaster and face still imbedded in wall): ...if I could move enough to reach the fan, you would be *SO* toasted, Tama-kun...

Tamahome: Tae-chan, you want to get a spatula and help me get him off the wall?

Tae (distracted, still in puddle): What? --Did you say something?

Tamahome (staring back and forth between Kenshin's back, Tasuki on/in the wall, and Tae in the puddle): ...Never mind. I'll get it. (thinking with sweatdrop: --Maybe a putty scraper would work better...)

Tae (dreamily listening to track two):  Sing to me, Toshinori-sama!

Kenshin (dreamily staring at Kaoru's picture):  Kirei....

Tasuki (still muffled):  Get me out of here!!



Risu-chan gets the credit for the truly funny part of this LIAC!  She wrote everything from where Kenshin sweatdrops in response to Tae's "I'm a Little Teapot" comment, to Tamahome's thought about the putty-scraper.  Arigatou, Risu-chan!  ^_^

The picture Kenshin is staring at is a photo of Kaoru, taken at Glamour Shots and sent to Kenshin as a gift by Kaoru's LIAC registrant.

For anyone who doesn't know:  Toshinori Yonekura sings the ending theme to the Bastard! anime.  The lyrics are interesting, to say the least.  It, and several other songs on his Bella Donna CD, were co-written by the same people (one of whom is Toshinori himself).  I don't know what he's singing about in the other songs, but if they're anything like "Monochrome Trouble"...   On the other hand, his voice is just wonderful!
 
 
 

Sekihara Tae & Risu-chan
May 5, 1999