Fighting With the Muse
Tae sits at the computer, trying to drum up the enthusiasm she needs to work on her resume.  Suddenly, the room is filled with the scent of white plums, and she turns to find Tomoe sitting on the guest bed.   Being out of sorts already, this does not make her happy.
Tae: What the heck are you doing here?

Tomoe:  I'm your muse.

Tae stares for a moment and then busts out laughing.
Tae:  Like hell you are.  Pull the other one, it's got bells on.  No, really... why are you here?

Tomoe:  I already told you.  I'm your muse.

Tae:  Yeah-huh.  You're about as exciting as gray tile.  How could you possibly inspire anybody?

Tomoe:  I'm not the Tomoe you know and... I'm not the Tomoe you know.  I just look like her.

Tae eyes her "muse" suspiciously, but has to admit that this Tomoe has already shown considerably more spunk than the original.  Still...
Tae (in her best "now let's be reasonable" tone):  Look, chickie, Tomoe is the only RK character that I actively dislike.  Who in their right mind would send me a muse that looked like her?

Tomoe:  The Powers That Be figured you'd work faster in order to get rid of me.

Tae:  Um... okay... I guess there's a certain sense to that.  But why are you showing up now?  Are you some strange "resume & cover letter" muse?  Ow!

Tomoe has produced a fan out of nowhere and has smacked Tae on the head.
Tomoe:  Enough with the sarcasm.  Write!

Tae:  I can't!  I have to work on my resume!  Ow!! (as Tomoe smacks her on the head again) Cut that out!

Tomoe:  No excuses!  Write!

Tae:  What kind of a muse are you?!

Tomoe:  The insistent kind.  Write!

She raises the fan threateningly, and cringing, Tae closes the resume file and opens Strengths & Weaknesses.
Tae:  Is this all right with you?

Tomoe:  Sure.  I want to know what happens in part two.

Tae breathes a sigh of relief -- whatever that fan was made out of hurt -- and stares at the screen for awhile.
Tomoe:  Well?

Tae:  Well what?

Tomoe (smacking Tae on the head):  Write!

Tae (covering her head with her arms and glaring up at Tomoe):  Look, it doesn't just happen.  You're the muse... you should be doing something to inspire me.  (As Tomoe gets ready to smack her again) And hitting me doesn't count!

Tomoe frowns in thought, tapping the fan gently against her chin.  Tae waits.  And waits.  And waits some more.
Tae:  Anything?
Tomoe shakes her head, still staring off into space.
Tae:  Good grief!  Not only do you look like that defective nitwit, but you act like her too!
Tae ducks as Tomoe strikes with the fan, catching it in her hand and wrenching it away.
Tae (breaking the fan in two):  Ha!  Ow! (as Tomoe produces a large Kodocha hammer and whacks her with that).  Great, my muse's special power isn't inspiring me to write, it's producing things from hammer space with which to whack me.  Ow!  Look, there's got to be something useful you can do!

Tomoe (swinging the Kodocha hammer idly):  I could check with headquarters...

Tae (gingerly exploring her wounded skull):  Sounds like a plan.  Go to it!

Tomoe makes as if to disappear, and then hesitates.
Tomoe:  No working on the resume while I'm gone.  If you're going to write, write!
She vanishes.
Tae (closing the Strengths & Weaknesses file and reopening her resume):  Yeah, right!  You think I want to work for Zippy the Pinhead for the rest of my life?  Ow!  (As a Kodocha hammer falls on her head.)  Cheater!!

Tomoe (disembodied voice):  Write!

Several hours later.  Tae is now attempting to write her cover letter.  Tomoe appears in another cloud of perfume.
Tomoe:  I'm back!  (Looking over Tae's shoulder)  What are you working on?  That doesn't look like a fanfic!
The fan-of-death instantly appears in her hand, and Tae hurriedly protests.
Tae:  You weren't here!  I don't have any inspiration to write!  Don't you dare thwack me!!  (Tomoe reluctantly lowers the fan)  Did you find out anything useful?

Tomoe (smiling brightly):  Uh-huh.  Are you ready to write?

Tae:  If it'll get you to leave me alone, yes.

Tomoe glares at her, but decides not to make an issue of Tae's rudeness.
Tomoe:  Okay.  Here goes!
She closes her eyes, adopting a prayerful pose.  A few moments later, Tae feels a strange tingling sensation, and a sudden, intense urge to write.  There's only one problem.
Tae:  You blockhead!

Tomoe (startled, opening her eyes):  What?  What?

Tae:  What did you do?  What did you do?!

Tomoe:  I just created the desire to finish your in-progress fanfic.  Why?

Tae (shaking with anger):  You moron!  I'm working on multiple fics!  Thanks to you, I'm inspired to write, but I can't decide what to work on!!  One minute it's Strengths & Weaknesses, the next it's something else!

Tomoe (sheepishly):  Gomen nasai.

Tae:  You're fired!  I don't want a muse!  You're more trouble than all of my LIAC put together!  (Standing, raising her voice to a yell)  Get.  Out.  Of.  My.  House!  NOW!  Go away!!

Kenshin (on the other side of the door):  Tae-dono?  Is something wrong?

Tae:  Oh, spit!  Who knows what it'll do to him if he sees you?!  Do you see?  Do you see how much trouble you are?!  Like I said:  You're fired.  Get out!!

Reluctantly, Tomoe vanishes, taking her cloying cloud of scent with her.   Tae fights the urge to write some strange crossbreed fanfic in which Kenshin tells his three year old daughter about sex.
Tae (pulling at her hair in frustration):  Stupid muse!  I just wanted to update my resume and write my cover letters!!

Sekihara Tae
tae@sekihara.dreamhost.com
February 6, 1999